Needs are weeds. Thanks are banks.
-- Alan Cohen
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Laws of Transforming Behavior
I get a kick out of watching someone go through a makeover. I watch Good Day NY on channel five here in NYC. I can recall a woman who works there when she first started out who was very homely. After months went by I don't know what happened but I began seeing a change in this woman.
I really don't know if she got a new boyfriend, a co-worker gave her some tips, or just decided she needed a makeover. What I do know is that she no longer dresses frumpy and she looks as though she feels really good about herself and that's what's important.
I want 2 briefly discuss how we can all experience this very same transformation as this news personality did.
Law 1 The Law of Focus
The law of focus is where your focus is energy follows and it either rises or falls and expands or shrinks depending upon the power of your energy and emotions attached to it.
Let's take the news personality. At first her focus wasn't upon what type of clothing she wore. Now whatever the influence her focus changed. Once the focus changed she continues to dress in a more appealing fashion of clothing that compliments her age and her beauty.
Law 2 The Law of Self Observation
This is one of the most important laws to changing and transforming your behavior. A drug addict who doesn't recognize themselves as having a problem will never seek getting clean. However, when they acknowledge having a problem that needs to address they are more willing to take the necessary steps to change their lives.
We need to learn how to master our attention and energy. When we are able to do this change comes easier.
The news personality lady I mentioned earlier had a wake-up call from whoever and once she acknowledged how she was being perceived she was able to make a consistent change.
This is one of the hardest laws because oftentimes it is hard for us to see how people perceive us and it is also extremely difficult for us to see that we have a problem that needs addressing.
Law 3 Practice Makes Perfect
Practice makes perfect makes Tiger Woods, Serena Williams, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. remain n top of their games in their respective sports. It is not that they are just great athletes. They practice by working hard to perfect their crafts and excel in them.
Our news personality lady continues to step up her fashion game on Good Day New York to look her very best.
Law 4 Practicing Working Harder
There is a very distinct difference in practicing something and practicing working harder. When you practice something you do it in a way of routine. When you practice working harder you commit yourself for something greater than the norm. You allow yourself to stretch outside the confines of the usual into the unusual.
You dedicate yourself to working harder to be the very best person that you can be in the realm of your talent. You are not satisfied with running your normal 2 laps so you push yourself to go five.
Now watch this carefully I am going to use the United States military as an example to make this as plain as day.
Examining Law 1 The Law of Focus
1st The help you to alter your focus by telling you that you belong to Uncle Sam and you no longer are a civilian. They strip you of your normal clothing and provide you with a new wardrobe, new home, you go to and through boot camp to physically break you into the military lifestyle and you become a part of a completely larger family of the United States.
Examining Law 2 The Law of Self Observation
2nd The military makes sure that you know how to carry yourself and act as a soldier. Daily you have to do drills, following procedures and analyzing yourself to be the best that you can become. As you progress you are given awards and you move up through the ranks.
Examining Law 3 The Law of Practice Makes Perfect
3rd The military makes sure that you practice your drills, report for duty and show up and complete all of your assignments or you will be penalized. The more practice the better you become as an officer of the military.
Examining Law 4 The Law of Practicing Working Harder
4th The military makes sure that life is not going to be easy for you. They push you to become greater, stronger, faster and better than you were. They know that with practice comes hard work and along with it great transformation.
I really don't know if she got a new boyfriend, a co-worker gave her some tips, or just decided she needed a makeover. What I do know is that she no longer dresses frumpy and she looks as though she feels really good about herself and that's what's important.
I want 2 briefly discuss how we can all experience this very same transformation as this news personality did.
Law 1 The Law of Focus
The law of focus is where your focus is energy follows and it either rises or falls and expands or shrinks depending upon the power of your energy and emotions attached to it.
Let's take the news personality. At first her focus wasn't upon what type of clothing she wore. Now whatever the influence her focus changed. Once the focus changed she continues to dress in a more appealing fashion of clothing that compliments her age and her beauty.
Law 2 The Law of Self Observation
This is one of the most important laws to changing and transforming your behavior. A drug addict who doesn't recognize themselves as having a problem will never seek getting clean. However, when they acknowledge having a problem that needs to address they are more willing to take the necessary steps to change their lives.
We need to learn how to master our attention and energy. When we are able to do this change comes easier.
The news personality lady I mentioned earlier had a wake-up call from whoever and once she acknowledged how she was being perceived she was able to make a consistent change.
This is one of the hardest laws because oftentimes it is hard for us to see how people perceive us and it is also extremely difficult for us to see that we have a problem that needs addressing.
Law 3 Practice Makes Perfect
Practice makes perfect makes Tiger Woods, Serena Williams, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. remain n top of their games in their respective sports. It is not that they are just great athletes. They practice by working hard to perfect their crafts and excel in them.
Our news personality lady continues to step up her fashion game on Good Day New York to look her very best.
Law 4 Practicing Working Harder
There is a very distinct difference in practicing something and practicing working harder. When you practice something you do it in a way of routine. When you practice working harder you commit yourself for something greater than the norm. You allow yourself to stretch outside the confines of the usual into the unusual.
You dedicate yourself to working harder to be the very best person that you can be in the realm of your talent. You are not satisfied with running your normal 2 laps so you push yourself to go five.
Now watch this carefully I am going to use the United States military as an example to make this as plain as day.
Examining Law 1 The Law of Focus
1st The help you to alter your focus by telling you that you belong to Uncle Sam and you no longer are a civilian. They strip you of your normal clothing and provide you with a new wardrobe, new home, you go to and through boot camp to physically break you into the military lifestyle and you become a part of a completely larger family of the United States.
Examining Law 2 The Law of Self Observation
2nd The military makes sure that you know how to carry yourself and act as a soldier. Daily you have to do drills, following procedures and analyzing yourself to be the best that you can become. As you progress you are given awards and you move up through the ranks.
Examining Law 3 The Law of Practice Makes Perfect
3rd The military makes sure that you practice your drills, report for duty and show up and complete all of your assignments or you will be penalized. The more practice the better you become as an officer of the military.
Examining Law 4 The Law of Practicing Working Harder
4th The military makes sure that life is not going to be easy for you. They push you to become greater, stronger, faster and better than you were. They know that with practice comes hard work and along with it great transformation.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Life Changing Quotes
I have to admit I love reading quotes. I even write my own. I have found some of the most inspirational comfort, strength and insight from quotes from people from all walks of life.
I want to share a few of my favorites with you. It is my wish that they will be as helpful or even more helpful to you as they were to me. I will give you the backdrop of each quote before sharing it.
Ten years ago we were having an afternoon church program in which I was called up to participate along with several other people. We each had to gather small pieces of paper from out of a cap and do what the paper said.
I reached into the black cap not knowing what to expect. When I opened up the paper it told me to recite the written words. I have never forgotten those words because they have had an amazing impact upon my life. Here are the words I shared I shared with the congregation and I now share them with you.
"To be a champion, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will." Sugar Ray Robinson
The first time that I read this quote i didn't know who wrote it. But the moment I read the words they became my motto. I made this quote my motto because I call myself the comeback kid. Every time I have lost something or someone I have always been able to comeback stronger and having more than what I lost in the first place.
Here they are:
"A setback is a setup for a comeback." Author Unknown
I was never satisfied with just seeing those words at the end of the quote. That is because I needed to find out who made this profound quote because it continuously has amazing impact upon my life. In my quest I found out that Willy Joppy is the creator of the quote and has a book entitled that.
"A setback is a setup for a comeback." Willy Joppy
I want to share one more quote and with this I will bid you farewell. This quote was found most recently. I had it posted in my office at work. It is extremely powerful. Mind blowing in every facet and life changing in every dimension when it is comprehended fully.
In fact, it hung up in my office for weeks before I truly gleamed all the knowledge wisdom and understanding found in the quote.
I warn you that it must be dissected to get the full impact. So let me share it then we will dissect it and be blown away. Here is the quote:
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,is not an act but a habit."
Aristotle
1st We are what we repeatedly do? Now what is it that you repeatedly do? Do you complain, start trouble, help people, con people, steal from people etc. etc. Whatever it is that we repeatedly do we are.
2nd Excellence, therefore is not an act but a habit. So what we repeatedly do makes us experts in that particular area.
Whatever you do, be it good or bad you become excellent at it. I want you to ponder all the things that you repeatedly do on a daily basis?
I want you to relax and think on this for two minutes. Give yourself time to reflect on your routine.
Why not work on the good habits you have.
The key to life is developing good habits that you become excellent in. Now let us read the quote again and I will see you next time.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,is not an act but a habit."
Aristotle
I want to share a few of my favorites with you. It is my wish that they will be as helpful or even more helpful to you as they were to me. I will give you the backdrop of each quote before sharing it.
Ten years ago we were having an afternoon church program in which I was called up to participate along with several other people. We each had to gather small pieces of paper from out of a cap and do what the paper said.
I reached into the black cap not knowing what to expect. When I opened up the paper it told me to recite the written words. I have never forgotten those words because they have had an amazing impact upon my life. Here are the words I shared I shared with the congregation and I now share them with you.
"To be a champion, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will." Sugar Ray Robinson
The first time that I read this quote i didn't know who wrote it. But the moment I read the words they became my motto. I made this quote my motto because I call myself the comeback kid. Every time I have lost something or someone I have always been able to comeback stronger and having more than what I lost in the first place.
Here they are:
"A setback is a setup for a comeback." Author Unknown
I was never satisfied with just seeing those words at the end of the quote. That is because I needed to find out who made this profound quote because it continuously has amazing impact upon my life. In my quest I found out that Willy Joppy is the creator of the quote and has a book entitled that.
"A setback is a setup for a comeback." Willy Joppy
I want to share one more quote and with this I will bid you farewell. This quote was found most recently. I had it posted in my office at work. It is extremely powerful. Mind blowing in every facet and life changing in every dimension when it is comprehended fully.
In fact, it hung up in my office for weeks before I truly gleamed all the knowledge wisdom and understanding found in the quote.
I warn you that it must be dissected to get the full impact. So let me share it then we will dissect it and be blown away. Here is the quote:
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,is not an act but a habit."
Aristotle
1st We are what we repeatedly do? Now what is it that you repeatedly do? Do you complain, start trouble, help people, con people, steal from people etc. etc. Whatever it is that we repeatedly do we are.
2nd Excellence, therefore is not an act but a habit. So what we repeatedly do makes us experts in that particular area.
Whatever you do, be it good or bad you become excellent at it. I want you to ponder all the things that you repeatedly do on a daily basis?
I want you to relax and think on this for two minutes. Give yourself time to reflect on your routine.
Why not work on the good habits you have.
The key to life is developing good habits that you become excellent in. Now let us read the quote again and I will see you next time.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,is not an act but a habit."
Aristotle
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The 4 Levels of Communication & Application
Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. It is unfortunate that many people do not even know the four levels of communication. In my post "Listening" I briefly identified them for you.
What I want to do now is elaborate upon them. This will give you broader insight of communication.
It is imperative that every living being understand the four levels of communication. I say this because we all have to communicate with people. Allow me to be as blunt as possible when we fail to reach the depth of all four levels all that we say and share is small talk.
In other words you are shortchanging yourself of having a more dynamic communication connection with your audience being one or more people.
When we are able to talk on all four levels we will have a greater understanding of what is being said to us and how to get our points across more effectively
The 4 Levels of Communication
1. Facts-What are the facts? Just the facts Ma'am
Let me speak on facts for a moment. Remember opening the newspaper or magazine to that front page article that your eyes were glued upon. You were in a hypnotic trance where you wanted to know all the facts to the headline of the article. The headline contained a certain portion of facts.
Let me crystallize this to an actual scenario and expand on it through all four levels.
Jack sees Jill walking by so he calls out excuse me can you tell me the time?
Jill looks upon her wrist at her watch, smiles, and respond with it is 12:20.
She just shared a fact about the time to Jack.
2. Meaning-What does it all mean?
Jack is close enough to see Jill's watch. Jack replies "thank you very much. Your watch compliments your outfit and your beauty."
Jill now learns that Jack not only wanted to know the time but he is very observant. She also wonders if this is a pick up ploy or is he just being friendly and complementing her.
She is trying to figure out the meaning of Jack's approaching. It is the wonder about what does it all mean. This meaning of it all will soon be revealed if the conversation continues on from it's introduction and response.
3. Feelings-How does that make you feel?
Jill responds "I see that you are very observant person and thank you for the compliment. What's the name of that cologne that you are wearing it can get a girl in trouble because it smells so good?"
Jack realizes that she is sharing her feelings with him and that is opening the door to take the conversation to another level.
When feelings are shared in conversation it opens the door to deeper conversation and it moves you in various ways. What happens when something or someone touches you. You experience a deeper communication that moves you internally.
4. Intent- What are your intentions?
The final level of communication is intention. What was or is your intention behind this conversational thought. When you know a person's intention in a conversation it reveals the truth about where they stand on an issue.
Now back to Jack and Jill to complete the picture and close this thing out.
Jack smiles at Jill. Stares into her eyes says " My name is Jack. He extends his hand Jill replies "I'm Jill."
Jack replies "I would like to get better acquainted with you over a nice Latte and you can inhale my cologne I can make you laugh and we can have a great time in a very short time.
Jill says alright and they both walk off to the nearest Starbucks.
Now the picture is painted you get a better understanding of all 4 levels of communication and application. At the end of the day the compliment given by Jack opened the door for he and Jill to have communication on all levels and they will never forget that moment.
This could be you. The choice is yours though. You can stick to small talk with no real connection when you meet people or you can settle with conversations that flow on all four levels.
Intention is the acclamation point of communication. Intention echoes a reverberating truth that shakes the world and causes things to happen in your life.
Until next time remember to share the wisdom of words with everyone you come into contact with in life.
What I want to do now is elaborate upon them. This will give you broader insight of communication.
It is imperative that every living being understand the four levels of communication. I say this because we all have to communicate with people. Allow me to be as blunt as possible when we fail to reach the depth of all four levels all that we say and share is small talk.
In other words you are shortchanging yourself of having a more dynamic communication connection with your audience being one or more people.
When we are able to talk on all four levels we will have a greater understanding of what is being said to us and how to get our points across more effectively
The 4 Levels of Communication
1. Facts-What are the facts? Just the facts Ma'am
Let me speak on facts for a moment. Remember opening the newspaper or magazine to that front page article that your eyes were glued upon. You were in a hypnotic trance where you wanted to know all the facts to the headline of the article. The headline contained a certain portion of facts.
Let me crystallize this to an actual scenario and expand on it through all four levels.
Jack sees Jill walking by so he calls out excuse me can you tell me the time?
Jill looks upon her wrist at her watch, smiles, and respond with it is 12:20.
She just shared a fact about the time to Jack.
2. Meaning-What does it all mean?
Jack is close enough to see Jill's watch. Jack replies "thank you very much. Your watch compliments your outfit and your beauty."
Jill now learns that Jack not only wanted to know the time but he is very observant. She also wonders if this is a pick up ploy or is he just being friendly and complementing her.
She is trying to figure out the meaning of Jack's approaching. It is the wonder about what does it all mean. This meaning of it all will soon be revealed if the conversation continues on from it's introduction and response.
3. Feelings-How does that make you feel?
Jill responds "I see that you are very observant person and thank you for the compliment. What's the name of that cologne that you are wearing it can get a girl in trouble because it smells so good?"
Jack realizes that she is sharing her feelings with him and that is opening the door to take the conversation to another level.
When feelings are shared in conversation it opens the door to deeper conversation and it moves you in various ways. What happens when something or someone touches you. You experience a deeper communication that moves you internally.
4. Intent- What are your intentions?
The final level of communication is intention. What was or is your intention behind this conversational thought. When you know a person's intention in a conversation it reveals the truth about where they stand on an issue.
Now back to Jack and Jill to complete the picture and close this thing out.
Jack smiles at Jill. Stares into her eyes says " My name is Jack. He extends his hand Jill replies "I'm Jill."
Jack replies "I would like to get better acquainted with you over a nice Latte and you can inhale my cologne I can make you laugh and we can have a great time in a very short time.
Jill says alright and they both walk off to the nearest Starbucks.
Now the picture is painted you get a better understanding of all 4 levels of communication and application. At the end of the day the compliment given by Jack opened the door for he and Jill to have communication on all levels and they will never forget that moment.
This could be you. The choice is yours though. You can stick to small talk with no real connection when you meet people or you can settle with conversations that flow on all four levels.
Intention is the acclamation point of communication. Intention echoes a reverberating truth that shakes the world and causes things to happen in your life.
Until next time remember to share the wisdom of words with everyone you come into contact with in life.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Power of Metaphors
There is explosive power in metaphors. A writer understands when they utilize metaphors they vividly enhances their story through word pictures. When readers are given a visual that they are familiar with it not only solidifies a statement but it brings to life an experience. An experience that is readily embraced and rather hard to let go.
As a writer I try to use them every chance I get to make my point clear. That is why Jesus preached in parables (metaphors) that everyone could understand and his ministerial movement was immeasurable.
Our brains think in pictures. The more commonly we use metaphors the easier the material is to remember. The more it becomes a part of us.
Tell me which description works better for you.
1st. Sentence
Lacey chases behind Billy determined to catch him before he get away.
2nd. Sentence
Lacey chases Billy down like a cop in hot pursuit of an escaped convict on the run.
Notice how the first sentence gives you information but the second sentence not only gives you information but a visual.
I mean how many of you have seen a police officer chasing behind a criminal. The second sentence brings the chase to life.
What about this Michael Jackson lyric?
You've been hit by a smooth criminal.
1st Sentence
Bobby is mad so he got out of his seat, left out and slammed the door behind him.
2nd Sentence
Bobby's face twisted as it turned fire engine red, he popped up,walked out and slamming the door behind him causing the walls to tremble.
By now you are realizing the power of using metaphors in your daily life.
I suggest utilizing metaphors more to explain yourself when talking. You will see that people will remember what you share with them more. You will also see for yourself that people will be more intrigued by your communication skills.
I use metaphors to empower myself. Here are a few I like to use which help me in tough times.
I'm a warrior
I'm a boxer
I'm a champion
I'm a body builder of righteousness
You can use them too or come up with your own. They work wonders.
In closing, remember to pack your speech with metaphors so people will be inspired to have more enjoyable communication with you.
Have fountain of forgiveness in your heart today, because someone will do something to warrant your forgiveness.
As a writer I try to use them every chance I get to make my point clear. That is why Jesus preached in parables (metaphors) that everyone could understand and his ministerial movement was immeasurable.
Our brains think in pictures. The more commonly we use metaphors the easier the material is to remember. The more it becomes a part of us.
Tell me which description works better for you.
1st. Sentence
Lacey chases behind Billy determined to catch him before he get away.
2nd. Sentence
Lacey chases Billy down like a cop in hot pursuit of an escaped convict on the run.
Notice how the first sentence gives you information but the second sentence not only gives you information but a visual.
I mean how many of you have seen a police officer chasing behind a criminal. The second sentence brings the chase to life.
What about this Michael Jackson lyric?
You've been hit by a smooth criminal.
1st Sentence
Bobby is mad so he got out of his seat, left out and slammed the door behind him.
2nd Sentence
Bobby's face twisted as it turned fire engine red, he popped up,walked out and slamming the door behind him causing the walls to tremble.
By now you are realizing the power of using metaphors in your daily life.
I suggest utilizing metaphors more to explain yourself when talking. You will see that people will remember what you share with them more. You will also see for yourself that people will be more intrigued by your communication skills.
I use metaphors to empower myself. Here are a few I like to use which help me in tough times.
I'm a warrior
I'm a boxer
I'm a champion
I'm a body builder of righteousness
You can use them too or come up with your own. They work wonders.
In closing, remember to pack your speech with metaphors so people will be inspired to have more enjoyable communication with you.
Have fountain of forgiveness in your heart today, because someone will do something to warrant your forgiveness.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Listening
We enjoy talking and communicating with one another. Some of us enjoy talking more than others do. The funny thing is we do so much talking that we forget how to listen.
When I talk about listening, I am talking about really listening by paying attention to everything a person is saying before cutting them off. I find that talkative people cannot help themselves sometimes when it comes to cutting someone off in mid sentence.
We can do more to be effective in our listening. Here is an outstanding new trick I use called visually pushing the mute button. Whenever you are pushing the mute button on yourself, visualize pushing the remote control mute button on yourself. I know it can be hard for some. When you give yourself a powerful picture of a situation it is easier to understand and do. I will talk about the power of metaphors tomorrow that you do not want to miss.
Stop speaking and start listening attentively. We can learn so much about a person, situation, item, business deal, etc. when we listen attentively. Pushing the mute button helps us greater understand what is being said to us without prejudice.
Secondly, the next way we can learn to listen effectively is by imagining that you are a sponge soaking up all that the person is sharing with you. Whether they are both good and bad. A sponge soaks up spills. When communicating with someone absorb what they say allowing yourself to be filled with what they have just shared with you. A sponge keeps on absorbing. Think of yourself as a sponge that keeps absorbing what they are saying.
There are some things that you may not agree with but just hear them out. Allow them to share with you that which is on their minds.
If you fail to do so, you are merely talking to someone. Talking is being selfish while communicating is sharing information.
There are millions of talkers in the world. Where are my millions of communicators? Those who are masters at the art of give and take in communication.
Third, we must become reporters recapping the highlights of the words they shared with us trying to capture the meaning for clarity. When a person we are speaking to stops, we should make sure they are finished making their statement. Start recapping the vital points they shared with us before beginning to respond.
We can paraphrase what they shared with us in our opening response to their statements or thoughts. This lets the person know that we are being attentive to their words. It also enhances the other parties respect for us.
As reporters, recapping the highlights of their words we also ask the most effective questions to our listeners. Questions that deal with all four levels of communicating.
The 4 Levels of Communication
1. Facts-What are the facts? Just the facts Ma'am
2. Meaning-What does it all mean?
3. Feelings-How does that make you feel?
4. Intent- What are your intentions?T
Listening attentively to people allows us all to go deeper into all four levels of communication. It is extremely beneficial to all parties involved.
When I talk about listening, I am talking about really listening by paying attention to everything a person is saying before cutting them off. I find that talkative people cannot help themselves sometimes when it comes to cutting someone off in mid sentence.
We can do more to be effective in our listening. Here is an outstanding new trick I use called visually pushing the mute button. Whenever you are pushing the mute button on yourself, visualize pushing the remote control mute button on yourself. I know it can be hard for some. When you give yourself a powerful picture of a situation it is easier to understand and do. I will talk about the power of metaphors tomorrow that you do not want to miss.
Stop speaking and start listening attentively. We can learn so much about a person, situation, item, business deal, etc. when we listen attentively. Pushing the mute button helps us greater understand what is being said to us without prejudice.
Secondly, the next way we can learn to listen effectively is by imagining that you are a sponge soaking up all that the person is sharing with you. Whether they are both good and bad. A sponge soaks up spills. When communicating with someone absorb what they say allowing yourself to be filled with what they have just shared with you. A sponge keeps on absorbing. Think of yourself as a sponge that keeps absorbing what they are saying.
There are some things that you may not agree with but just hear them out. Allow them to share with you that which is on their minds.
If you fail to do so, you are merely talking to someone. Talking is being selfish while communicating is sharing information.
There are millions of talkers in the world. Where are my millions of communicators? Those who are masters at the art of give and take in communication.
Third, we must become reporters recapping the highlights of the words they shared with us trying to capture the meaning for clarity. When a person we are speaking to stops, we should make sure they are finished making their statement. Start recapping the vital points they shared with us before beginning to respond.
We can paraphrase what they shared with us in our opening response to their statements or thoughts. This lets the person know that we are being attentive to their words. It also enhances the other parties respect for us.
As reporters, recapping the highlights of their words we also ask the most effective questions to our listeners. Questions that deal with all four levels of communicating.
The 4 Levels of Communication
1. Facts-What are the facts? Just the facts Ma'am
2. Meaning-What does it all mean?
3. Feelings-How does that make you feel?
4. Intent- What are your intentions?T
Listening attentively to people allows us all to go deeper into all four levels of communication. It is extremely beneficial to all parties involved.
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